Managed to get away without emergency treatment yesterday, by the skin of my teeth.  My voice went very croaky and tight just as I came to the end, but no difficulty breathing or swallowing so they just kept me an extra half hour and even walked me outside to make sure I didn't react to the cold air.  As it was degrees warmer out there then in the hospital, I did that test very well!

My white count was below the requirement at about 1.3 on Monday so I had to have an on-the spot check before they gave me anything.  I had jumped to 8.5!  Apparently it dips very low and then climbs back up, and they find that last little bit after the end of tablets and just before the next infusion can be a rapid improvement.  Interesting that I am at my lowest ebb when I am just beginning to feel better, and we stop worrying about the possibility of having to make a dash to the hospital if I get an infection!

Had a lovely day with Mary on Tuesday.  She came on Moonday evening after her duties with Charlotte's after school care, so was able to eat with us and have nearly all day on Tuesday.  The day was broken up by by teleclinc call at 12.15, but we just pottered and dealt with soft fruit and salad, talked and drank tea and coffee.

Off to Doc's for blood test and medication review this morning so got around to taking some garden photos while I was staying clean and tidy.  They are on the Home and Garden page

Where does the time go?  Every day I wake feeling there's a whole untouched day in front of me, but although I feel I am busy all the time I never get through everything I intend.  Yesterday we shopped around for an archway on the internet after a leisurely breakfast, found one at B&Q and went off and bought it.  It only fitted in the car because I don't mind sitting upright - well, a few degrees forward of upright if the truth is told.  We happened on a 20% off garden sale, so that was good.  Then we went to Taverham for jam-jar labels and fruit and veg, and found gorgeous cheeses in the farm shop as well as elderflower wine and natural liquorice.  We had coffee and cake there, so when we got home started work on building the arch.  It was divorce material in the style of erecting the caravan awning, but we thrive on argument and we got it done in time for drinks on the patio, where we were joined by Steve and KAte.  They were gratifyingly impressed with our work, and invited us to their BBQ on Sunday.  When they had gone it was time for promised drinks in the summer house with Dot and Rodney and Anne and John from the new bungalow.  Then Dave made curry, we watched the beginning of Phantom on DVD, fell asleep and went to bed.

This morning I picked a big bowl of blackberries from the fruit cage after breakfast.  After church Dave cut back the forsythia on the pightle that hasn;t been touched for years and filled the two brown bins, while I pitted the last 2 1/4 lbs of cherries and simmered them before going to Steve and Kate's.  We had a lovely relaxing afternoon there, then came home and watered the garden and pulled up some weeds.

No word about symptoms, because there aren't any.  We are enjoying the rest of Phantom.  A lovely weekend,

Two days without chemo tabs and feeling pretty good.  Two things made my fingers tingle today: re-organising the freezers and pitting some more cherries outside while the wind was blowing.  It wasn't cold, but the cherries are juicy and I suppose the evaporation cools the skin.  I still have loads of cherries to do - I begin to be less delighted with the quantity we had this year!  Anyway, there were redcurants and blackberries as well, so I added another margarine tub of last years raspberries and cooked them all with sugar with the idea of freezinbg them in quantities suitable for summer puddings.

We have managed to reduce our freezers to three, and the new one isn't yet full.  Mum's old freezer which we took over when she moved into the annexe (mainly because it was full) had started to freeze up on the outside of the top, and with the hot weather and the porch getting so hot our electricity was soaring.  They are increasing our monthly payment by more than £10.  The little monitor supplied by British Gas was telling us our daily consumption was far higher than last year, and this was the only cause we could think of.  Hope it proves to be effective.  At this stage of our lives we need to be cutting down on regular expenses, not using more.

I am trying hard to regulate my functions by diet, but Dave hates vegetables.  I complained that the courgettes we had with our lasagne yesterday had not done anything for me, so today he bought pork steaks, then went down the garden and came back with potatoes, sweeetheart cabbage, courgettes, peas, baby carrots and a few mange-tout and runner beans.  Mmmm!  What a feast! (curry tomorrow.  I had better make myself a salad¬

Yesterday Dave picked the cherries, the most we have ever had thanks to the butterfly net he tied round the tree lasst week.  Usually I have to pick them slightly under-ripe to rescue them from the birds, but these were red and juicy.  I pitted 4lbs stoned weight and made 10 pots of cherry and redcurrant jam.  It was a very messy job but I do love squirreling.  I'll need to make some space in my preserves cupboard and throw out some ancient shrunken jams.  Our families eat my jam when they come, but I can never persuade anyone to take any home.

Last evening I went with some of our cell-group to Ashill, where they have set up a 'life-size' Hebrew tabernacle.  It was very interesting to get the proportions, because in the Bible the measurements are in cubitts and other such ancient things, and being able to go in and walk round and look at the the altar and the laver and the shew-bread table and so on was very different to just reading about it.  We had a guide, who was also doing a bit of a preach, relating the Old Testament symbolism to the fulfilment in the life and death of Jesus.  There was a lot of standing about, which I found a bit difficult, but worth making the effort.

Dave worked very hard yesterday, consequently very achey and  restless last night.  His car is still being mended but we are going to take a day out to wander round the town.  Haave to catch the bus in a bout ten minutes.  I'll put his doings in the garden on the House and Garden page later,

Very few symptoms so far today, first tablet free day.  The cooler temperatures affect my fingers a bit, but I probably wouldn't notice if I didn't know it was a side-effect

Tomorrow is my last day of tablets for this cycle.  Hardly any tingling today although it has been cooler, with some drizzle.  Yesterday it rained nearly all day.  I have been a bit low today, partly a come-down from the high of the weekend, partly, very stupidly, because I am already dreading next week's infusion.  How daft  can you get!  Instead of thinking - 'Wow, a whole week without tablets!' I'm thinking -'Only a week before it all starts again.'

The new Header took the whole of yesterday afternoon!  I thought I would try the new template feature and update the photo which was very out of date, particularly as the new page is supposed to be all about house and garden.  Unfortunately the different templates have different ways of incorporating pictures and text into the header, and I had no idea how Joe had done the original.  I finished up watching a You-Tube video, but even then I found my 'simple' template didn't concern itself with number pixels.  In the end I just made my strip of photo look right in a photo-editing programme, added the text on top of it and it worked after about six adjustments of size.  I like it, anway.  It is Sheringham park looking over towards Weybourne, with the North Norfolk Railway steam train in the distance.

Home again

What a fantastic weekend!  We really feel we have been on holiday.  Symptoms were minimal, a tiny bit of tingling carrying my fruit and juice to the table at breakfast time, and again in my feet when the wind blew on them this morning.  And some wind and bloating which was largely due to over-eating.  The food was excellent, but seemed to come round at shorter and shorter intervals.  Dave has been very active in the pool, playing tennis and table-tennis, so was always ready for a home-made biscuit at tea and coffee breaks, but I was pernanently full.  No-one's fault but my own.  I never could resist a pudding.

We were a group of 30-odd mostly middle-aged or retired people, a good mix of gender, with couples and singles and a constantly changing mix of groups.  I wasn't aware of anyone appearing to feel isolated, and several of the couples seemed to be consciously participating as separate individuals.  If it was indeed conscious it was a lovely, gracious thing to do.

We had four sessions with our speaker, held informally in the library where there was just room for us to sit on comfy chairs all round the walls.  Our speaker was a founder member of the Northumbia Community, which is a modern-day monastic community.  Their rule of life is vulnerability and availability.  They have a mother house in Northumbria where they seek a deeper relationship with God in a daily rhythm of prayer and Scripture based on celtic spirituality.  There is a greater use of symbolism than Baptists are used to, although we are gradually losing our prejudices.  So during our weekend we used candles, a holding cross, a cairn of objects representing our memories of the weekend, a knotted prayer cord and the familiar symbols of bread and wine.  Beauty and creativity are seen as being gifts of God, to be celebrated and allowed to lead us closer to God's heart.

We didn't have lectures.  Roy did talk to us at length about his own experiences, and in particular his love of Norfolk where his uncle and aunt prayed for him, their godson, all through his childhood and young adulthood.  In each session we actively particpated: a time of silent contemplation, an exercise of imagination as we walked through a Bible story, sharing our experience of the weekend in small groups, praying for each other, collecting the cairn objects, taking communion together.  Each day we used part of the Daily Office of the Northumbria Community. 

I didn't hear a negative comment.  I am sure the weekend meant something different to each of us, but it was clear that there was much for us to think about and work on as a community, both in the deepening of our own spirituality and in our relating to an unchurched world.  Living out our relationship with God is informed by Jesus, particularly by the Sermon on the Mount.

I hope what I have written is true to what we experienced over the weekend.  The Northumbria Community has a brilliant website which explains it better than I can, although it can't tell you what Dereha Baptist got up to over the weekend.

Very tired but happy.  Going to bed now.

At Belsey Bridge

Slept well until about 4.0.  We have an en-suite which is really more of a flat, with a kitchenette, shower, lounge and twin bedroom.  There is a mini-shop just up the corridor with an honesty box, so Dave fetched me a flapjack to have with my morning tea because breakfast is not until 8.30.  He has just come back at 7.30 after half an hour's swim, so is happy and ready for the day. 

Our speaker for the weekend is Roy Searle of the Northumbria Community.  His talk last night was a personal testimony of his journey of faith, and stimulated me to get up and look up the community on the internet this morning.  It is an ecumenical monastic community, but not in the way most of us think of monasticism.  It takes inspiration from the mediaeval northumbrian monks whose spirituality eventually spread throughout most of England, but without being in the least backward looking.  I don't know how much Roy is going to speak of this today.  Last evening we rounded off with Compline, a modern version, just looking back on our day and reflecting on it with God. Watch this space.

Good day today.  Now installed at Belsey Bridge where I have connected to their internet so can blog and check e-mails.  How fantastic!

Supper is haddock something or other or vegetarian, which suits me fine.  It's at 7.0, in half an hour, then we meet together at about 8.0.

Dave has had about an hour in the outdoor pool which was about 25deg, felt cold on going in but nice then.  Temperatures here around 31.

Chemo2, Day 8

Much better today.  Tummy still sore, but not woozy or sleepy.  No tingling after shower, but it didn't like picking soft fruit first thing this morning. Much cooler today and a useful shower of rain this morning.

Mary-ann's phone-call yesterday reminded us that it was our wedding anniversary today.  Last year we bought a card between us - this year we didn't even do that.  As we said to each other, if the last few months haven't proved that we love each other a card wouldn't make any difference.  Anyway, having been reminded we asked Dot and Rod to have a meal with us, and this morning I made a summer pudding for dessert.  The juice didn't quite soak the bread, but it was delicious.  Strawberries, blackberries, blackcurrants from the fruit cage, last year's raspberries from the freezer and a few left-over cherries from the market.  I also picked 2 1/4 lbs of blackcurrants and made 6 pots of jam, so obviously I am better.

Off to Belsey Bridge conference centre at Ditchingham for the weekend tomorrow.  Church 'holiday'/retreat.  I shall probably take the lap-top for security reasons but although therer is internet access I don't know if I will be able to connect.

Chemo2, Day7

This is my third unpleasant day.  Day 5 and 6 I was very tired, just wanted to keep lying down to go to sleep.  I lost 6 lbs too, presumably from diarrhoea and dehydration, but because I can only drink warm things and I feel a bit sick, I didn't want to drink either.  The worst thing was light-headedness which made me feel I was going to keel over.  Dave hasn't been too good either, with some sort of tummy upset, so we have done what was essential and laid about a lot.  I didn't think I was going to be this pathetic, but I was warned.

Today I am less tired but my tummy hurts and is even quite tender to touch.  I have helped myself to one of Dave's ulcer tablets for the last two days, which usually work like magic, but they don't make a lot of difference so I am resigned to another day of rest.  The cold sensitivity is still there, but not too bad indoors, and I had some sips of cold drink yesterday without ill-effect.  I am still getting a bit of jaw spasm when I start eating and when I put toothpaste in my mouth.

What a miserable tale!  I am not looking for sympathy, but next cycle I want to be able to check out the pattern.  Sorry, Mary, but as you say that is how I am.  I also want to know the mechanism of these symptoms, because I feel if I knew what was happening in there I would know how to make it more comfortable.

I did manage to get two sketches off to Mary-Ann for Joe's cabin bed, a pirate ship and a bed in a tree.  The Lightning thing was Lightning McQueen, a Disney car that I knew nothing about whose main feature seems to be a huge grinning radiator grille.  This wouldn't show on a profile, and a front view would have him climbing in over the bonnet, so I opted out of that one.  Mary-Ann says that neither Dom nor her can draw, but they are going to have to paint in the detail, so it is going to be very interesting.  Mary-Ann has always had someone to do it for her - Ruth, who painted amazing Dragonlance scenes on the sliding wardrobe doors in their teens, Rachel at college and me decorating the children's rooms here.  I think she may find she discovers hidden talent when she has to get stuck in.  Little Joe has spent his spare time this spring making cards.  His favourite theme is a collage of letters.  He knows all therir names but Mary-Ann is determined not to force him into spelling and reading before he goes to school, so to him they are just interesting and varied shapes.  I don't know if any particular thought goes into the arrangement of shapes and colours but they look fantastic.

I think I'll attach the cabin-bed plans, as they do prove that I am not just laying about feeling precious. Don't know if they are clear enough to see.

Chemo2, Day 5

Not so good today.  Awake from 4.0 again, very uncomfortable and not able to produce anything on the loo, which I put down to the still-narrow anastomosis, but then had diarrhoea 5 times so maybe it is chemo side-effects.  I spotted a blackbird busy in the cherry tree while I was washing up, so left the sink and went down the garden to either hang dazzling CDs around the branches or throw a butterfly net over it.  By the time I realised I couldn't find the tall steps or any CDs, I had had to return to the bathroom twice, so I have given up.  If we don't get cherry and redcurrant jam this year that's too bad.

I didn't record anything on day 5 last time, but I think it may have been a not-nice day.  It is easier to cope if there is a pattern, but I have already forgotten what it was like last time.  The good days at the end of the cycle make the bad ones fade, which is excellent, but can make you discouraged next time round.

Just a quickie to remind myself how I am at 4 days after infusion, because next time we will be away at Weybourne in the caravan.  The tingling hasn't been too bad, but I think most of that is thanks to the very warm weather.  I notice it if I forget to put gardening gloves on before I hose the garden, and this morning I had hoped to go to church in shoes with no socks, but found I was too tingly so had to resort to pop socks.  A friend from our cell-group has knitted me two delightful pairs of stripey socks which are perfect protection during the week with my crocs (although not 'cool'), but I didn't think they would enhance my summer dress!

My guts have still not settled, and really cause me more distress than the chemo.  I was up five times between 9.30 and 4.0 am last night, not that anyone else wants to know that but I want to be able to compare notes in the next cycle. 

We are having plenty of fresh stuff from the garden: broad beans, peas, potatoes, courgettes, lettuce, cucumber, radishes, rocket.  We grew potatoes in special bags this year, and put the left-overs in a patch of garden.  The bag ones are brilliant, and the garden ones remind us of why we stopped growing potatoes - diseased, small, five or six roots needed for a meal.  We didn't use the little access flaps at the bottom of the bags - by the time you get your hand through you are at such a funny angle you can't really feel around for the potatoes  When we first tried we thought we hadn't got any.

We are having to water every evening, flowers and veg.  It has been such a dry spring and early summer and what rain we have had hardly moistens the surface.  I am disappointed with my flower border, which lacks colour and is full of gaps where the forget-me-nots were pulled up and nothing else has flourished.  The pictures from last year are so colourful.  I got fed up with the love-lies-bleeding, but at least they filled the spaces.  We seem to have spent a fortune little by little at nurseries and on the market buying trays of geraniums, begonias, pinks etc, but nothing is any bigger than when we planted them.  The perennials with established roots are only marginally better, but I think I will try to be proactive in the autumn and get some stuff in that is less labour-intensive.

Dave has been trying to get the patio finished.  The part where the mobile was is still rough ground and there are two large mounds of clay where we had the soak-away dug.  Will is coming next weekend to fill a skip and level it off to the orchard so  we can re-seed and get things looking a bit more loved.  Once we have finished with heavy plant we hope to get the drive re-surfaced.  We were hoping to get an estimate for resin-bonded shingle, but don't seem to be able to get a response from the agent.  An internet comparison site promised to send us estimates for tarmac and brick-weave, but nothing is forthcoming.  In any case I have been put off brick-weave by the sight of my neighbour spattered with black from her hair to her toes as she power-washed her drive this week.  She still has to weed-kill it.

Anyway, there is now continuous slabbing from the back patio to the playhouse.  It has a little slope down, so we visualise the children crashing their bikes and cars into the door at great speed, but we decided it was preferable to a step which they would trip on every time they go up or down.

This is not a quickie!  I have to design a bunk bed for little Joe, either a tree-house, or a somebody lightning racing car or a pirate ship.  (I know its not Buzz Lightning, but I can't remember the latest fad.  Probably Google will give me a clue.)  I asked Mary-Ann how big is a sheet of  MDF but she has no idea.  She wants me to come up with a design and then her brother-in-law is expected to realise it with his jigsaw.  I'd better get onto the internet and look for some inspiration.