Just a quick update to say that the gloom of the last posting has gone - flushed down the loo.  Every cycle it happens and every time I think it can't be just that.  Patients can be very stubborn and stupid!

It's Sunday afternoon and in the last twenty minutes we have had brilliant sunshine, torrential rain, hail and thunder.  Typical bank holiday weather.  Never mind, we've got steaks from Weybourne (we spent yesterday morning in Sheringham) fresh veg from the garden and baked figs with sherry and honey for supper.  Mmmmmm!

Dave says hello to all our readers.  Actually he is my keenest follower, so he can say hello to himself.  Must go, there has to be a rainbow out the back.

This is my last day of chemo tablets for this cycle, so I am halfway through the treatment.  I've actually been quite good this time after the reduced dosage, but in a contrary way I am now noticing the remaining side-effects more.  There is a sort of background dis-ease, hardly ever amounting to pain, but enough to keep me aware that I am being poisoned in a good cause, and giving me ungrateful feelings that it had better work or I might as well not have wasted these precious weeks.  I am hoping that this week will see me feeling more like me, which will at least reassure me that the symptoms, which are centred on the abdomen, are entirrely due to the treatment and not to some sneaky lump of cancer left behind.

We've both been tired this week.  It's not just feeling flat after saying goodbye to the family, but also catching up on sleep after a week of disturbed nights.  We didn't hear the boys at all, it wasn't them, but several trips to the loo every night and difficulty getting back to sleep takes its toll.  I hope when I am better we will be able to break the habit of going to bed in the afternoon!

All is not gloom by any means.  I have been setting myself a task every morning, and getting on top of some jobs I have been putting off for months.  Yesterday I made a start on my annual accounts for the tax-man.  In fact that is now on hold on the conservatory table, waiting for various bits of paper that appear not to be available.  I feel better for having made a start.  This morning I emptied the bottom drawer of the kitchen unit where I keep tea-towels, freezer bags, Dave's chef hats, rolling pins, waxed discs for jam, jelly bags and so on.  It's one of those drawers with open sides and a low back, so stuff had gone over the back and was sticking out of the sides and shutting it was a daily fight.

That was my easy job.  This was cupboards day, but the next cupboard took the rest of the morning.  It was a horrible job that I steel myself to do once every seven or eight years - sorting the preserves cupboard!  I now have as many jars as I could possbily want, and tomorrow the dustmen will take away four heavy bags of old jam, pickle etc.  Some was dated 2003!  Even so I hate scraping out jar after jar, thinking of the picking, cleaning, boiling, testing, pouring into jars, sealing and labelling.  To say nothing of the pounds of sugar!  Well, I should learn to make just enough for ourselves and maybe a few gifts.  It's like the garden where we still tend to grow rows of veg like Mum and Dad did, with no hope of using everything.

Notice to all those who keep saying: 'don't forget to save me a jar of cucumber pickle':  You are welcome to a couple of jars labelled 2008 or 2009, but I am making no more this year!  In fact the cucumbers are making a shaky recovery from an attack of red spider, courtesy of Green Gardener's phytoselius, and before I found the store of one and two-year old pickle I was seriously thinking of buying cucumbers for my annual quota.

On Monday I transcribed three letters written from Australia by Grandad's brother Harry and Harry's son John.  I got them off to an Ancestry contact who is Harry's great grand-daughter, and on Tuesday heard from her.  She opened the e-mail and read it at work and cried to think she was reading words written by her great-grandfather and grandfather.  Isn't the internet wonderful?  I bet those letters took weeks to get to England in 1928 and 1933, and I have sent them back overnight!

Dave is making mutterings about 'reading in bed'.  That's a euphmism for an early night, but I don't mind, I'm always ready for bed.  Baking tins and casseroles tomorrow.  Got to get as much done as I can before I am laid low.

The time is going so quickly.  The fortnight we have looked forward to for so long is well into its second week, but we still have some nice things to do.  Mary-Ann and Dom had a most disappointing meal at Hethersett Park Farm; they had had better at a Harvester and at least that is honest about what is on offer.  It was sad because this was their annual special meal which hitherto has always been at  Number 24 in Wymondham, where the food is always perfectly cooked and they have been made to feel special .  Park Farm was built up as a first class restaurant both on their web-site and also in the recent booklet of Norfolk eating places given away with the EDP.  The menus indicate unusual combinations of food cooked by a chef, but did not in any way live up to the lyrical descriptions.  Dave had driven them to Hethersett, and was only back home for just over an hour before they were on the phone to be picked up, just eager to get out of there.  It was more expensive than Number 24 too.  They didn't want to spoil their wedding anniversary by going through the whole complaint thing, but Mary-Ann has written to express their disappointment.

Anyway, tonight they are in Cromer.  We bought them tickets for the End of the Pier Show.  I think when it came to it they probably felt it was a long journey and a ot of trouble for a local variety show, but we are keeping our fingers crossed that they are able to relax and be entertained.  The boys have gone to bed without any fuss, so up to now we are feeling quite smug, particularly as we are a leaving them with Dot and Rodney tomorrow to go out for an 'all you can eat'  chinese buffet at the Lucky Star in Norwich.  I have been going through my 3-weekly bad days since Monday, but expect to be able to enjoy a meal out by tomorrow.  It really hasn't been as bad this time, presumably because of the reduced dosage.

The family are going to High Lodge in Thetford Forest with Mary-Ann's school-friend Sally and her children tomorrow, so that I can take it easy.  Then on Friday if the weather allows we hope to be able to visit Africa Live courtesy of Tesco Rewards, although as yet the rewards haven't arrived.  Then it will be the weekend and the holiday will be over.

Both the boys are book mad.  They have the audio version of Julia Donaldson's 'Room on the Broom' on Mary-Ann's i-pod, which keeps them occupied in the car, and we bought them the book.  Joe is now word perfect, turning the pages and reciting the words with all the expression.  He is beginning to recognise the shapes of the blocks of text and some of the words.  I know Mary-Ann is keen for him to discover the thrill of reading at school, but I think it is going to be hard to hold him back.  James' vocabulary is growing daily, complete with little sayings like 'it's not funny'.  He also does the pointy finger when he doesn't like what is said to him, which is very amusing but must not be laughed at.

We have done drawing and sticking, complete with glitter and crumpled tissue paper, and a giant mural is awaiting some blu-tack to adorn Joe's bedroom wall.  Fortunately it is an underwater scene, which will not be out of place with his sea-side mural.  James, being right-handed, holds a pen far more comfortably than Joe, and concentrates very well for a two year old..  He loves to do whatever Joe is doing, and while Joe was filling a page with random letters yesterday, James filled his with his own hieroglyphics, which were surprisingly neat, contained and many of them joined up shapes.

Baking has been our other bit of fun, done while James has his sleep at lunch-time.  Joe and I have made two batches of cookies, and today he helped Mary-Ann make carrot cup-cakes.  He sticks it out to the end, finishing with lifting them onto the cooling tray.

I am so grateful, to God and to Mary-Ann and Dom, that we have the privilege of sharing this advent ure of growing up all over again, this time with grandchildren.  They are such a joy.

p.s. Just been up to James for the fourth or fifth time, at twenty to nine.  The room is still surprisingly light, as we took down the blackout linings for Joe's sea-side room when we thought the boys were going to share it.  I have hung bath sheets over the curtain rail in the hope that if he wakes again he will just assume it is the middle of the night and go back to sleep.  Maybe we'll move the curtain linings back into his room tomorrow, as Joe now sleeps with the door open onto the lit landing so he can get up to the loo.

Having a great time with the family.  So far not really missing out on anything except trips to Tesco, which I forego to conserve energy for something more interesting.  Enjoyed watcing them all at Splash, and actually managed to get a screaming James dry and into his clothes while Mary-Ann showered and washed her hair.  James screamed because he didn't want to come out, which was a breakthrough, due, Mary-Ann said, to the warmth of the water. Joe went down the slide into the water three times and couldn't wait to go up again even though it was dark, and the final twist turned him backwards.

Mary-Ann has gone out for an evening with a couple of school-friends and Dave and Dom have been for a curry at the Akaash and are now watching Jaws.  One of them will go and fetch Mary-Ann later.  She is a bit indignant as she used to walk home by herself, but Dave said Dereham is not the same place.  Sad!

Just for the record, on my last post I said diarrhoea bugs thrive on acid.  That should have read 'alcohol'.  Sorry!

Chemo 4

Just back from the hospital after 4th infusion.  Saw the doctor first and apparently the tingling that went up to my lower abdomen last time was v ery excessive, grade 3 neuropathy.  Useful conversation about the blood count, which is at its lowest at 7 - 10 days, and rather amusing because that is just before I stop the chemo tablets, at which stage Dave decided we were safe from midnight treks to the hospital, and has been enjoying a drink in the evenings!  The count climbs slowly over the next 10 days and does a sudden climb to normality just before the next infusion.  I was at a count of 1.2 for neutrophils on Monday and up to 4.5 today.  Anyway the upshot of all this is that, at my suggestion, I was re-weighed today and was 3 Kg lower than when they calculated my surface area! I wasn't surprised, because when they weighed me at my first consultation it was about a week before the anastomsis was stretched.  Can't quite imagine what 3 KG of poo looks like and don't really want to know, but today my prepared infusion was reduced from 500mls to 350mls.  Minimal tingling  under cold water, no gloves, no coat to leave the hospital, and no voice change. Admittedly the car was registering 23 deg, but I do feel so much better, and optimistic about enjoying the family more than I had expected.  I have always said I was being poisoned. 

They have gone off to the Dinosaur park this afternoon, using the Tesco tokens I got them for Africa Live, so now I'll cash in some more for the end of next week and get enough to cover Dave and I as well.

Mary-ann and the boys have had a bit of a stomach bug, which could have come from Wales.  I mentioned to the doctor that we would going to get antiseptic wipes for the taps etc, as little Joe is fiercely independent about using the toilet.  'No good', says the doctor, 'diarrhoea bugs thrive in acid and are cleaned off with soap and water'.  So there's a useful bit of information: another wrinkle in your bum' as Rose would have said.

Busy day in the garden, account and photos on garden page

Just back from a curry at the Akaash, just the two of us.  I feel a bit overful at the moment.  I'm not too bad, but still not getting my 'functions' sorted out.  Nothing to complain about really, I just feel I did better than this last cycle, making jam and pickle and gardening.  I seem to be working in short bursts this time, but maybe I'll have a very productive few days before the oncologists attack me aain.

The real reason for this post is that I found the $GREED score sheet from the game we played at Weybourne with Joe and Sally.  Sally scored because I can't add up in my head.  I made a joke that they had to let me win beca\use I have cancer, and Sally's immediate retort was 'and I'm grieving.'  The fact that she could say that in the context of a game and then make reference to it on the score sheet shows how far she has come in the last difficult months. 

Home from Weybourne

Our holiday is over for this year.  Well, to be truthful , it's all holiday for me at the moment, but it was good for Dave to get away from the cementing and gardening and the daily grind of work.  We stretched it out to 10 days, as we found we had made a mistake with the date and had booked the caravan site until today, Sunday. 

This has been the most laid-back holiday we have ever had.  Joe and Sally were exhausted and just longing to laze around and read, and that suited us well because it wasn't my best week in the chemo cycle.  They thought I did very well, and my lack of motivation and energy was not evident.  A bit strange really, b ecause my perception is that it has always been me who looked up the places of interest, nice places to eat or walk,local events that can be fun to join.  I did cut out a double spread from the EDP but no-one was terribly enthusiastic, which let me off the hook.

We enjoyed shopping locally for food for our BBQs, fondue and snacks, had a take-out curry, and a sea-food platter at Wells.  We actaully went there intending to have fish and chips on the quay, but even after walking George along the river-path we were not hungry enough to justify it, so stopped at the Fleece for a sandwich, promising ourselves fish and chips at tea-time from Holt.  It really wasn't in the plan that the courtyard of the Fleece contains the Wells crab-house!  It made Dave's day to see they serve a sea-food platter which includes lobster.  Sally stuck to her guns and had a cheese sandwich, which was billed as a door-step and was.  The fish and chips just didn't happen - that evening we snacked at the site on crisps and olives, sausage rolls and quiche.  Not nutritionally our best day!

Joe and Sally made good use of a funny little caravan spares shop in Wells to replace a couple of broken bits on their motor-home, so they were well satisfied.  Unfortunately George had a neurotic week, starting panting and trying to burrow his way to safety every evening.  He has always been OK in the MOtorhome previously, and we were unable to work out his problem.  After a couple of nights when he re-arranged the van and panted so loud that Joe and Sally couldn't watch their favourite programme, they took him to the vet and splashed out £25 on a pheromone collar.  They were warned it would take a couple of days to show any effect, but even at the end of the week he was the same.  There were some gun-like noises - possibly clay-pigeon shooting, possibly bird-scarers - but it seems odd he has never done it before.  If it is the pattern of the future it would put a stop to Joe and Sally's caravanning, as they chose this method of holidaying specifically so they could take George with them.

My tingling hasn't been very evident since last weekend, perhaps because it has been warm.  Getting my 'functions' sorted has been this cycle's problem; all a bit depressing, but hopefully I can regulate my diet better at home, and sit on my own loo!

Just a week until Mary-Ann and Dom come with the children.  I am hoping to cope better with my next cycle, so we can all make the most of the time together.  I don't want the boys to remember Grandma as tired and lack-lustre.  I hope they'll be comfortable about going off together as a family on my worst days.  We have bought tickets for the End of the Pier Show for Mary-ann and Dom.  I know it's not something they would spend money on, but we hope they will be abe to enjoy sitting back and being entertained and laughing a lot, as we have done when we went.